Randomness Signed Gibbons

Around the time of the second World War, C. S. Lewis wrote in Mere Christianity:

No man knows how bad he is till he has tried very hard to be good. A silly idea is current that good people do not know what temptation means. This is an obvious lie. Only those who try to resist temptation know how strong it is. After all, you find out the strength of the German army by fighting against it, not by giving in. You find out the strength of a wind by trying to walk against it, not by lying down. A man who gives in to temptation after five minutes simply does not know what it would have been like an hour later. That is why bad people, in one sense, know very little about badness — they have lived a sheltered life by always giving in. We never find out the strength of the evil impulse inside us until we try to fight it: and Christ, because He was the only man who never yielded to temptation, is also the only man who knows to the full what temptation means — the only complete realist.

I read this quote this morning and have been thinking about it. People often think I’ve lived a sheltered life. That because I don’t go out and get absolutely smashed every weekend, I am naive or innocent. But perhaps, the reality is that I am more familiar with badness than they think. It’s only when I try to be unselfish that I realize how self-centered I am. It’s only when I try to do good that I see all the weakness and laziness and fear in me. These many forms of badness resist my well-intentioned efforts and push me to give up on being good.

Photo: Arne Larsen

The analogy that helps me understand this is smoking. Nicotine is very addictive. But I couldn’t tell you how strong that addiction is. Neither could someone who’s been smoking for years and enjoys it very much, thank you. We can’t tell you how addictive smoking is because we’ve never tried quitting. Smokers who have tried to quit know. Whether they succeed or not, trying to quit shows them the strength of their habit. They experience how much willpower it takes to refuse their morning cigarette. They feel how their body craves nicotine. Until the point when smokers decide to quit, they cannot fully understand what nicotine is like. But as soon as they try to resist the cravings–that’s an eye-opener!

Like a nicotine-addict trying to kick the habit, I’ve tried to quit the badness in me, and I’ve had my eyes opened to how strong it can be. Because of this, I don’t think anyone can call me naive.

I also don’t want anyone who reads this to think, “Wow, that girl is always fighting to do good. What a great person!” Ha! That’s not at all true. In fact, I’m more like the smoker who says, “No thanks. I’m trying to quit. Well…I suppose one last cigarette couldn’t hurt. I’ll quit for real tomorrow.” And that’s also not the reason I’m writing this post. I shared the quote above because it made me think and it might make you think too.

To sum it up, perhaps our knowledge of badness is less dependant on actual experiences than on the process of resisting such experiences.